Ages and Stages

Major Milestones in Child Development

The following summary lists some of children’s major developmental milestones from birth through teens—with suggestions on what you as a parent can do to support the growth process. This description of ages and stages is very general, and each child is an individual. It’s helpful for parents to know that calmer stages alternate with stormy ones, but the child’s own nature—boisterous versus reserved—also plays a role. And your child may well go through the stages a little earlier or later than average.

16 Weeks

• Following objects with his eyes and reaching for them
• Chuckling, cooing and smiling back at you
• Having trouble getting to sleep
• Doing a lot of crying

28 Weeks

• Sitting up for long periods of time
• Grasping objects and putting them in his mouth
• Listening to people’s voices (including his own)
• Smiling at both family and strangers

1 Year

• Exploring the physical environment
• Enjoying an audience
• Imitating simple actions, such as peek-a-boo
• Testing his motor abilities (standing up, manipulating a spoon)

2 Years

• Running and climbing with relative ease
• Following what’s said to her and making her wants known
• Learning to enjoy pleasing others (but not sharing toys)
• Responding warmly and affectionately to you

“Your 2-year-old wants to exercise some independence in making decisions. Let her have some control, but guide her,” says pediatrician Amil Qureshi, D.O. “Provide a nurturing environment by praising good behavior. Reserve negative reinforcement such as ‘time out’ only for aggressive behaviors that compromise your child’s or another’s safety. Otherwise, natural consequences work best in teaching unacceptable behavior. For example, if your child breaks a toy, she won’t have that toy to play with anymore.”

2 1/2 Years

• Wanting what he wants, when he wants it
• Coping with violent emotions and opposite extremes
• Saying “no”
• Clinging to routines and rituals

3 Years

• Sharing objects and experiences
• Making friends
• Learning new play activities
• Having fun with language

“Your child can play ball, pedal a tricycle, count to five or 10 and have a conversation,” says pediatrician Deb Kruse, M.D. “This is prime learning time. Help her explore colors, shapes and objects with interactive toys. Read her books to help develop language. Discipline and teach her with positive reinforcement rather than punishment. Create a sticker chart and reward her with stickers for not doing and doing certain behaviors, such as successfully going to the potty.”

4 Years

• Throwing, kicking, running, hitting
• Alternating between laughter and rage
• Shocking people with naughty language
• Exploring his imagination and spinning tales

“Your 4-year-old is exploring his imagination and
coordination,” says pediatrician Oscar Morffi, M.D. “If he has an imaginary friend, don’t discourage it—his ‘friend’ helps develop his creativity. He should love running and climbing. Don’t be concerned if he does too much—only if he doesn’t do it. As he explores, he’ll be brave one minute, insecure the next. Reassure him that exploring is good, and help him channel his energy into interests.”

5 Years

• Focusing on mother as the center of the world
• Obeying commands
• Feeling calm and friendly toward other

6 Years

• Loving you one minute and hating you the next
• Being rigidly demanding and negative
• Feeling hungry for new experiences and adventures
• Wanting things to go her way

“Your child is in school for the first time and separating from you,” says Rima Strassman, M.D. “When things don’t go her way, it’s normal for her to say she hates you. Don’t negate her feelings. Help her name them by saying, ‘You’re angry with me. That’s OK.’ This is also a prime time for new experiences. Learn what interests your child and try not to impose your own desires. For example, your daughter might be interested in football and your son might be interested in dance—and that’s OK.”

7 Years

• Exploring independence
• Demanding a lot of herself
• Becoming more discriminating in what she sees and does, sometimes to the point of exhaustion

“Your child can now read and write by herself and do more physically,” says pediatrician Kelly Costello, M.D. “She is eager to take on new activities and be more competitive in sports. Encourage her participation, but don’t emphasize winning. You may feel she doesn’t rely on you as much anymore. Stay involved with daily quality time. Make sure your family dines together, limit television and computer time, and keep in touch with her teacher about academics and behavior.”

8 Years

• Tackling new tasks (and not always finishing them)
• Being constantly busy and active
• Feeling frustrated when he gets it wrong
• Building two-way relationships with others

9 years

• Being extremely independent
• Rebelling against authority
• Focusing more on friends than on family
• Worrying, complaining and taking things hard

“Your 9-year-old’s feelings are very intense,” says pediatrician Tayyaba Jan, M.D. “He’s changing physically and mentally. He’ll dress like other kids and not like you want him to. Parents should be a cushion — give him space but help him when he falls. When he gets angry, sit him down and tell him you love him so he lets that anger go. And if you don’t like his clothes, take it easy—it’s just a phase.”

10 years

• Obeying easily and naturally (except for that messy room)
• Loving and enjoying parents and family
• Being enthusiastic about activities and interests
• Not taking things too seriously

“At this age, your child is eager to learn and a delight to teach,” says pediatrician Michael Schwartz, M.D. “She’ll have specific interests, like dance or music, reading or sports. Make sure she’s not overbooked so she has enough time to do it all. Also realize that she’s ready for more responsibility, such as chores. One of those chores can be cleaning that messy room.”

11 Years

• Bursting with energy and appetite
• Quarreling with siblings and rebelling against parents
• Having intense friendships, but mixed feelings about the opposite sex
• Coping with pre-adolescent mood extremes

“At times your 11-year-old will want to be alone, and other times she’ll only want to be with friends,” says pediatrician Pasquale Fugazzotto, M.D. “Get to know her friends by inviting them to dinner. Set limits so she doesn’t stay out too late. And when she doesn’t want to talk, be patient but persistent. Try going on a shopping trip together to give you the time—and her the interest—to open up with each other.”

12 years

• Being cooperative at school
• Pulling away from some family activities
• Maturing sexually (girls) and wanting information about sex (boys and girls)
• Being interested in other people’s views

13 Years

• Withdrawing from you physically and emotionally
• Feeling suspicious, uncertain and misunderstood
• Worrying about her body and personality
• Figuring out what’s right and wrong
• Exploring relationships with the opposite sex

“It’s important to teach him by example,” says pediatrician Barbara Katz, M.D. “Even if you’ve warned him of the dangers, if he sees you and his friends smoking or drinking he’ll think it’s OK. It’s natural for a 13-year-old to start hanging out with girls and boys, but encourage him to go out in groups and not one-on-one just yet. And don’t criticize too much—at this age, he’s self-critical as it is.”

14 years

• Packing his days as full as possible
• Feeling that both mother and father are hopelessly out-of-date
• Resisting “being preached at”
• Enjoying a wide circle of friends

15 Years

• Wishing desperately for independence
• Arguing with you, and reacting to your comments with scorn
• Going through the agony and ecstasy of dating
• Developing ethical values (but not living up to them)

16 Years

• Feeling good-humored and positive
• Enjoying a new sense of poise and self-sufficiency
• Focusing more strongly than ever on friends and dating relationships
• Taking on more responsibility

“Give your 16-year-old credit,” says pediatrician Scott Rice, M.D. “He’s developed confidence and can make mature decisions on his own. Tell him you accept him, and don’t condemn him if he makes an error in judgment. We all make mistakes. Love him and help him through it. If you’ve set the right framework for your child and have celebrated his passage from boyhood to manhood, he’ll feel free to discuss almost any issue with you.”

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